… unless she’s into passive-aggressive flirting and table protection with sass. These engraved slate coasters are here to protect your table and roast your guests—one drink at a time. Whether you’re sipping wine, slamming margaritas, or pretending your gamer hydration is anything but Mountain Dew, these stone slabs of sass are the ultimate party wingmen.
Details:
Each coaster is sold individually.
4" slate: rugged, moody, and emotionally stable
Laser-etched sarcasm that won’t fade, even after questionable cocktails
Built to protect surfaces while roasting spills and side‑eyeing guests
Perfect balance of utility + attitude: they catch drips and feelings
Sample Sayings:
Use Me – Consent? Given. Enthusiasm? Implied.
Don’t F*ck Up the Table – Because wood trauma is real.
I Prefer the Bottoms – Top energy? Not in this house.
Make Me Wet – Hydration kink, activated.
I Want to Be Sweated On – Cold drinks only. Hot messes welcome.
If You Stain, I Pain – The coaster equivalent of “I’m not mad, just disappointed.”
Perfect For:
Parties, game nights, and roommate roast sessions
Passive-aggressively judging condensation crimes
Making your coffee table the sassiest surface in the house
… unless she’s into passive-aggressive flirting and table protection with sass. These engraved slate coasters are here to protect your table and roast your guests—one drink at a time. Whether you’re sipping wine, slamming margaritas, or pretending your gamer hydration is anything but Mountain Dew, these stone slabs of sass are the ultimate party wingmen.
Details:
Each coaster is sold individually.
4" slate: rugged, moody, and emotionally stable
Laser-etched sarcasm that won’t fade, even after questionable cocktails
Built to protect surfaces while roasting spills and side‑eyeing guests
Perfect balance of utility + attitude: they catch drips and feelings
Sample Sayings:
Use Me – Consent? Given. Enthusiasm? Implied.
Don’t F*ck Up the Table – Because wood trauma is real.
I Prefer the Bottoms – Top energy? Not in this house.
Make Me Wet – Hydration kink, activated.
I Want to Be Sweated On – Cold drinks only. Hot messes welcome.
If You Stain, I Pain – The coaster equivalent of “I’m not mad, just disappointed.”
Perfect For:
Parties, game nights, and roommate roast sessions
Passive-aggressively judging condensation crimes
Making your coffee table the sassiest surface in the house
